I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
