Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
