apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
