just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
