I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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