have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
why do cheetos always look like penises
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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