After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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