I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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