yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
