We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
