I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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