either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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