I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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