her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
