wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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