this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
