Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
