He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
