I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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