I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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