im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We have started to decorate penises.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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