The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
