The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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