I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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