I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
