I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
