on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
