She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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