My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We talked him into tasing himself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize