Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
