Tell her she can't have a vagina
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
