Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
