Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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