Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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