Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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