I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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