Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
