I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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