i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
