Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
