So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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