He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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