I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
