clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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