I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
