I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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