she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
