I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
