Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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