I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
