I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
