so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
