Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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