That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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