I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
