matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
