You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
