omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
