I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
