Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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