no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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