You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
