I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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