I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
