Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
