Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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