this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
