I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think your dad took our porno
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
