Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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