Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
