I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
